Pity

Well, It has been seven weeks since Claire was born. It is fifteen days till her "Due Date." She started out at 2 pounds 12 oz, lost some weight the first week and now is at 4 lbs 5 oz. We've been through a lot...
I find myself yearning just to carry her with me. I don't want to have to drive across town to be with her and I don't want to have to sit in a rocker by her bedside with wires dangling from her when I hold her. It pains me to have to choose between being with my baby or going for a walk, being with my baby or eating my lunch, being with my baby or talking on my cell phone. I want to be with Claire but if I spend too many hours sitting in the rocker in the NICU I get cold and wheezy and hungry and cranky and stiff. I hate the self-pity I feel when I think about this situation. Most of the time I just accept it and am fine with it. Most of the time I feel okay emotionally speaking, but every now and then I feel the need for a little rant.

Claire slept really well today all day with the exception of feeding times and then she was alert from about 5-6:30 when Mark was there. The early evening is frequently her alert time and we really enjoy interacting with her.

I read Tuesdays With Morrie over the last few days. I highly recommend it. Morrie was a college professor dying of ALS who was quite a remarkable person who had a lasting infuence on a former student. The book reminded me that relationships are the most important part of life and that loving others is supreme. I've been so wrapped up in our own troubles that I haven't done much to reach out to others. Morrie was a good listener and communicator even through his most difficult struggles, and I want to emulate him.